I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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