An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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