i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
