High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
