4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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