ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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