I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
