Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
