when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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