hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
