Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
