I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
