ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
