They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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