brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
