do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
