I wanna passion pit in your ass
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
