Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's shark week go big or go home
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
