so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
