guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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