my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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