I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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