He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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