I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
