She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
