Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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