Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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