Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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