K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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