I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
