At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
