I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
