Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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