found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
