Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
