alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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