dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
