Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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