oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
