Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
