I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
