I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
