i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
