apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
