I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
