I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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