do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
