Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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