Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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