idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
