he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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