i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I wish there were birth control emojis
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
